My boyfriend is out and about, so no talking to him on the phone tonight. That leaves me all this time to lay in bed and think, think, think. Think about a whole fucking lot of things while pandora plays. With every song, my mood kind of changes and whatever I’m thinking about will completely shift. I don’t know how to feel right now either. Like, I just want to cry and at the same time I want to punch a hole in the damn wall. I haven’t had so much time to really think like this. All I usually do is talk on the phone and fall asleep with him, but I can’t do that tonight. Well, I already said that. But yeah, I don’t know. I think I might just take nyquil so that I can sleep easier because I know if I don’t do something, I won’t sleep for hours. Just like before. I don’t want that. I fucking have to work tomorrow. Fuck.
1 day agoI’m stuck thinking about the past and looking to the future so much, that I’m forgetting to live for now.
2 days agoI’ve been having some crazy vivid dreams. The other night I had one about a kid casting curses that zombified people so that he could rule the world. But, earlier in my nap, the sceneray in my dream and the people in it, changed so frequently. First, I was in somewhere that I suppose was home, but I was living with a lot of people. I remember I wanted to get out, the place was full of people and things, and it was also very dark and gloomy. My friend came and rescued me and we drove to a hotel that was underwater disney themed. There was incredibly huge tanks wherever you walked and they all flowed together. The ceiling was so high up and the walls were teal with gold embellishments and white lining. Anyone that worked there had black suits on with gold name plates. You would see a swimming old school Mickey Mouse swimming about in the tanks and people scuba diving in them with him. I was on a mission to find the shop they had because it had everything that no one had because no one wanted it anymore. I know that sounds crazy, but that was the concept. I went and found all these amazing things, like a big antique chest to hold jewlery and even these awesome high waisted shorts. Everything was really cheap, too, but finding the place was so hard. I went in circles trying to find it because the hotel I was at was fucking huge. For some reason, I was also being chased and I used one of those rolling racks for luggage to escape and I found myself at that store. After I was done there I went back out and I kept running into people I knew and then, suddenly I was with my boyfriend on a beach and it was sunset… the sky was an orange pink color, it was breezy, there was people dancing around us and smiling, all having a great time and I fucking saw dolphins and mermaids in the water.
I tell my boyfriend my dreams and he thinks I should make a movie or a book because my dreams are cray.
2 weeks agoI don’t remember what having fun feels like anymore. Omg.
2 weeks ago 3 notesFuck her. She neglects me, is selfish, gives me endless amount of excuses for her to not do something when she’s just being a lazy ass bitch… I can go on and give you a million and one stories about how she’s horrible at the only fucking job she has, but let’s not waste your time anymore. Fuck what I said a long time ago, saying I was happy she stayed in my life all these years. I honestly believe that I would have been better off, but hey, I have the perfect example of what not to fucking become when I get older and when I’m a mother. Thanks for that, at least.
2 weeks ago 1 noteI was damn depressed when baby boy left after the most wonderful weekend of my life, but I’m fucking back to normal and happy as ever. Few things got me back on track and I’m grateful for those few things. The biggest thing, besides my boyfriend had to have been music. I swear, after a whole day of listening to music loud and singing even louder lifted my spirits up. I haven’t done that in awhile, ever since I moved to my mom’s now that I think about it and shit, I need to do that as often as I used to.
2 weeks agoIt’s okay, I only need the internet to keep me company for awhile. Who needs real people when you have internet to be there for you and make you laugh and everything that people can do. There’s everything on here. Internet is the best~
3 weeks ago 1 note